tired mothers

he isn't crying, he was giving us his barbaric yawp

the other day i was explaining to some friends why i am so tired.  i co sleep. while others co sleep well, we don't and recently it has become worse.  instead of waking up every two to three hours, isaac has been waking up every hour, at least.  needless to say i am exhausted.  on hearing this, one of my friends said i was a saint.  they obviously aren't around this house very often.  i am not a saint.  i am a tired and sometimes grouchy mom.  the hard thing about being a tired and a grouchy mom is that you can't put yourself in time out.  it would be nice to be able to put yourself in a corner somewhere and try to repair yourself, paste on a smile that won't come off, clear the fog in your brain but your children's needs are constant.  they need to be loved (if you want happy adult children).  they need to be played with (once again if you want happy adult children.)  they need to be fed, changed, potty trained (ugh, more like i need to be trained on how to train my child to potty train), they need to be put down for naps, listened to, sang and rhymed to.  i am not complaining,  i know those are my jobs (by myself when josh is gone), it was on the list of job qualifications when i decided to become a mom.  it would just be nice if there was... what is it that i would want... a magical traveling mom, like nanny mcphee or marry poppins... someone you could definitely trust... to come by and see the rings under your eyes... the obvious state of not being showered (really, showering should not feel like a luxury.)... and other signs and affirmations that this mother needs a time out... and this magical mother would say, sweetie take a deep breath and exhale you are doing just fine... go relax... have fun... rest... and i will take care of today for you.  but... and there is a but... my only problem with that is... while you may rest and rejuvenate and feel a bit better... in the back of your mind you can still hear, feel, and see your children and you are still worried and thinking about them... and a part of you will miss them while you are doing what you are doing... a part of you knows that this time is so precious and will be gone by the time you get 'back'
i know it is okay to take a nap and it is okay to take care of yourself so that you can take care of others but it is also okay to learn how to be strong and how to be a mom even when you are tired
balance... strategy... dancing... choosing... singing...

i loved the blue of the wall but asher wouldn't cooperate... all though i do love him too :)