strange how it changes

no i am not talking about my children... but my mood.
today, i didn't wake up particularly grumpy... i think i had a good morning... but somewhere between morning and afternoon i lost my mediocre cheerfulness ... like losing my keys or my credit card it was quite easy...
it may have been the tantrums i was piloting through... it may be that i have eaten gluten which i believe is turning my brain to fog... of course it is the lack of sleep also dimming my mental light bulb... i think it mostly had to do with me choosing to be grumpy and forgetting to pray... i was told once that my children would behave better and i would know what to do to help my children if i prayed...so i tried it... and it worked. i hate when i forget to pray. it makes such a huge difference... but there is always tomorrow (according to scarlett)...i love waking up after a bad day feeling better and more able to keep the smile and feeling the love you know you have inside of you... maybe an angel pushes the reset button and suddenly everything feels more achievable... there is no desire to be and remain a grump (i did want to be a grump today, there was a little part of me enjoying my grumpiness... sheesh... now that i think about it... i can see the little old grumpy pants inside of me dancing around throwing a party...once again proving that i chose to be grumpy because... darn it all... it is fun to throw a tantrum now and then)
yesterday, i was blithe and giddy... exercising again (for me it was hard core stuff)... back in the mountains again  (i LOVE nature)... with someone (lorna) i could laugh with (although it seems she may not have been around crazy people like me very often... she kept saying... you're weird... if she only knew... the many times i have danced barefoot in my lawn ... in the rain or during a thunderstorm... listening to enya... how many times i have just ran around for the pure joy of it... only somewhat cognitive of the fact that yes i am embracing my freedom with unadulterated joy but i am also not acting according to societal norms)... anyway the hike was fun... it was great! i loved, loved, loved it!
i do believe my children can fit under this headline topic... so i will squeeze them behind my feelings of morbid volatile grumpiness and enthusiastic merriment

today, i learned an important no. no. you cannot let your toddler eat a Popsicle while you cut their hair... i thought it would be a distraction and would allay asher's tears... instead he just screamed, with tears, it was sincere, the whole time (no neighbor i am not killing my child... just cutting his hair... and the other time you heard him screaming... well... that was bath time). the hair got in his Popsicle thus rendering the Popsicle inedible. we gave him another one since it was my fault... luckily, josh came home in time to save both asher and i from the cliffs of insanity...asher was almost hysterical and any hint of geniality had locked itself up safely in the closet... i don't know what will happen the next time i try to cut his hair... so far it hasn't been a good experience for anyone... it is interesting to contrast this hair cut scene with the sweetness of yesterday... asher woke up from his nap and came and cuddled on the couch with me... i told him, "i loved him" and then he said, "i love you mom, but i have to get away" (he was teasing me because i may or may not have been tickling him while he cuddled with me)... at which point i really started tickling him and we woke up isaac with our laughter (well, mostly asher's laughter woke up isaac)...
isaac has entered a new stage of life... his favorite things to do are roll cars on the ground... roll cars on anything he can climb up or stand up with one hand... the other hand is, of course, used for rolling the car. for you or me it is easy but it takes a lot of concentration for isaac... sometimes he throws the car on top of the thing he wants to stand by and then tries to climb up too... usually, the car he has thrown up falls and he has to try again or i cave and help.  he also likes to do anything asher is doing. but asher does not always agree with him, not wanting to share the toys he is playing with... another favorite of isaac's is crawling to the couch or a box and pulling himself up to a standing position and then he bobs up and down, smiling and humming... so proud of himself for having accomplished this major feat... as if he had conquered mount McKinley or something equally important. the thing i love most is that he is very very cuddly... sometimes he will crawl over to me so that i can snuggle and hold him... he will also crawl around and find random pacifiers on the floor and stick them in his mouth but he will NOT take one when he is upset... it is as if he is saying... i know what you are trying to do... you are trying to artificially comfort me and i won't have it... i want the real thing!!!!
both of my boys are so beautiful and i feel very blessed... even on days like this... blessed that i have these two angels in my home...they are both so sweet and attentive
(asher asked me (after i told him i was grumpy) "why are you grumpy?" and then "you need to stop being grumpy" which he said pleasantly and matter of factly :)