learning how to be mom

asher eating fruit at the park, oregon

recently, i have been thinking of my mothering responsibilities in terms of gardening and farming.  i think of the hard work i did growing up in my parents' garden and berry farm (i have yet to grow my own ).  the term, hard work,  is to be indicative of the rare occasions when i wasn't dancing, singing or playing and actually working.  in fact, because of one of those frolicking occasions, when i was not outside with the rest of the family, planting berries in the cold cold rain in the still semi frozen earth, i missed an epic conversation with my sisters.  it had something to do with worms, dinosaurs, and evolution.  i wasn't there, i only heard about it and saw the last sparks of contagious laughter in their eyes, so i may not give the details correctly.  all i remember is they had decided that the great tyrannosaurus rex had somehow evolved or devolved into a worm and that he was tired of it.  he was tired of being a wet, cold worm and so he was going to go back to the sea, to see if he couldn't evolve into something better.  i can see the now tiny tyrannosaurus rex shocked and dismayed at finding himself a worm, frustrated at being manhandled in the planting process... i can also see him inching his way back to the sea growling and lost in soliloquies of how he would once again rule the earth.  if you can't succeed try again, i guess.
i digress but only a little.

happy little man

Because i had been lost doing something i shouldn't have been doing, i missed a poignant funny moment and can only live it vicariously, wishing i had been there.   i don't want that to happen with my children.  i don't want to miss the sweet moments.  i want to be there for them even if it means i miss something else, like the latest greatest movie.  not that i have to sacrifice everything (there is a balance... the parenting balance beam). as a young child i learned the eternal truth of harvesting the fruit of your labor and now i know that what i give to my children will manifest itself later, just like a garden.  not that i or they will be perfect.  hopefully they won't be seriously flawed :)
but this is my work now. it is beautiful and rewarding.  it does require some sacrifice, but sacrifice will only bring blessings. when i play with my children, watch them grow, teach them good things then i am blessing my life and theirs. i am giving the good food (not literal but symbolically :) to grow and be strong and hopefully they will be equipped with good tools like the ability to change, to love, to be peaceful/hopeful even when they are served their lemons, knowing that they are children of God and that He loves them and that when they work with Him, lemons become lemonade :).

dogwood flowering at my parent's house in oregon

i do realize this post is a little preachy... i am not trying to preach to others but trying to write what i have learned and what i am trying to do... i am not there yet... but i do have ideals for myself :)... life is a personal journey and just because you are not doing what someone else is doing doesn't mean you are not performing well in life :)