i watched and he slept

at this very moment i am home alone with my second child, isaac.  he has finally been able to take a decent nap... i believe i may attribute his lack of being able to sleep to his noisy older brother, since said older brother is gone... and isaac has managed to stay asleep for two whole hours... you would think isaac would be accustomed to sleeping through the noise, but no... he will not oblige ...

so, of course, i have taken good advantage of this time and cleaned myself and my house... ha ha! right... no... i watched a movie... vanity fair... well, at least i tried to watch it but they kept trying to show me people's bums and etc... and i didn't want to see them... so i gave up and watched the finish... interestingly enough... i cried...i didn't have to watch the whole thing to effectively cry for the heroine at the end... i may take that up and start watching just the beginning and end of a movie... if it gives the same effect and it wastes less of my time then i might as well :)... it could be that Reese is a good actress too... maybe that is why the end was still believable without watching the whole thing... i also know a little bit about the story because i have skimmed through the book...i skimmed the book because somebody told me the story...and i didn't want to get too involved in a book that ends tragically... i, unfortunately, don't just read books or just watch a movie... i have to live the experience with my characters... step into the world and sometimes even their shoes... i cried for days after watching The Phantom of the Opera, tried desperately to be funny like the characters in Ocean's Eleven and Twelve... still trying in fact... weeped inconsolably and wished for powers i did not have when i saw Hotel Rwanda ... searched desperately for platform 9 and 3/4   after seeing Harry Potter... demanded the Second Coming begin when i saw 2012... where are those producers anyway... the list goes on and so do my tears and multiple personalties resulting from watching movies and reading books

hmmmmm.... as in release the stress!

life, it isn't easy for anyone...it is hard for everyone... but... it can be so beautiful... in between loosing my brain years ago and the credit card at the store today... are little clips of beauty... smiles from my children... a husband who loves me and respects me... sleeping through the night (yes... it is beautiful)...hugs and giggles... good movies... good food (especially when shared with someone else)... brief visits with friends and family... well...

my parents came down to utah in a whirlwind trip... it is always a whirlwind trip when they come down... i am lucky enough to have siblings and aunts and uncles and grandchildren with which i have to share my parents (really, lynaea shared with us because it was her daughter's graduation)... sometimes it feels like "Horton Hears A Who" with only so many minutes allotted to everyone "i got an A on my whostory test!"... sadly, it is one of the only times i do see the afore mentioned people too! so, although i have to share (like sharing a good ice cream cup (two spoons) with a best friend ... it is good... good to see family, good to talk for hours and hours about really important stuff... like respect... and what it really means to us (lynaea prompted me to believe that even children deserve our respect)...and the atonement (we all need it)... and what my children do and say(today, asher was a super airplane and isaac tried to eat everything on the floor... again)... and what i do and say (that is when the uncomfortable silences begin)...and parenting... and well...

the list goes on and on...we talk about most everything except pebbles and liquid (josh has a conversation starter on his ipod... and those were the suggestions! what silliness!)

we did watch Pirates of Penzance! how i love that movie! i finally found a few other people... mostly nola... a little michealynn... who will laugh and laugh until it hurts, with me... not many will submit to the humiliation of actually acknowledging the humor in that musical... but i love it!
sadly, i have no pictures to show in this post that are relevant to my experiences.... i may  post a few...to give people something to look at... well, i did post a few... but they pertain to a different sunny day that wasn't as strenuous...


side note: it was so beautiful i just had to share, although it will feel like preaching :)
my sister lynaea said, remember when you make a mistake, how nice it is when you are forgiven, how nice it is when someone puts their arms around you and treats you with respect still... even though you have just done something stupid, silly or bad... remember how much easier it is to pick yourself back up and feel good about yourself and life when it isn't made into the end of the world... imagine, your children now and how much they would appreciate your respect even though they make mistakes too, none of which will end the world... how much more loved they will feel when they are forgiven easily and lovingly... end of quote that wasn't really a quote but a summarization because i can't remember the exact words :)
at least that is what i, andy, felt and heard when she said something a lot more concise... but it spoke these words to my heart

what we saw on our walk

these pictures were from yesterday, but i really don't have much to say about that day... it was a beautiful day and i did get a good work out while spending time with my children... which was nice... and later josh, asher, isaac and i all went to another park where josh and asher played soccer and i took more pictures of everyone! possibly to be posted later!

today, we went on a walk again...  decided to live outside today... i climbed another hill... worked those muscles again, reminding them of what oxygen feels like... took a stop at the duck pond and lost isaac's binky (pacifier). i hope the ducks can put it to good use and that some unsuspecting mom does not find it in her toddler's mouth! we then climbed the infamous byu stairs, ran down a hill, built a fort under a tree (dirt of course) climbed said tree (well asher did... it was his first tree climbing experience... i was REALLY wishing i had my camera!), and then found a broken blue robin egg! it was beautiful! and i believe the baby was safe somewhere up in the tree...thus, leading to asher's first attempt at climbing a tree...
 we then ended our day by racing back to the stroller (asher won of course) and then i limped off, pushing the stroller to jdawgs for some gourmet hot dogs... i know know... gourmet and hot dog go together like toddler and clean house!... but it was a gourmet hot dog! the most daring hot dog i have ever eaten... with a special sauce, banana peppers and onions... i could have been even more adventurous and eaten sauerkraut and jalapeños or pickles on it too!  so really, it was a moderate hot dog on the bravery scale!....

 after we bought the hot dogs, we walked back to the park to eat them... on the way there buzz lightyear, no longer in the grasp of my sons hands (replaced by a hot dog), hung precariously between the canvas bar and the drink holder bar (good description right?) his arms and wings outstretched and ready for flight... he made several attempts to escape until finally we stowed him away under the stroller, where he made one more attempt at freedom (he must have seen the commercials for toy story 3)... later, after our hot dog eating was done, we tried to clean up with one wipe... there is only so much bbq sauce and mustard and ketchup one wipe can clean up!

  i am afraid asher went home with a messy face... i haven't looked at my face recently... not since this morning... who has the time to look! with kids at home! :)... so, i suppose i could have my fair share of bbq/special sauce on my face... on a different note i have discovered, through sad experience, that one should never get in an argument with food on their face... it really diminishes your believability (not the word i am looking for)... but that is a past story that involves chocolate... a little girl bravely singing "i am not afraid of anything" while swinging as vigorously as she could... and some random woman asking her to stop... it wasn't really an argument... more of an intervention :)

(i did leave out a few details of this walk... namely: the many times i   had to persuade my child not to jump into the duck pond, to not get closer to the hissing mother duck, to leave the sleeping baby ducks alone, to come back to the stroller so we could go home, to not throw the big rocks because then you get yucky poopy pond water on you and me... isaac slipping through my arms as i try to restrain or help asher to do something... etc etc.... sure there is joy with parenthood but it only comes after the hard work!) :)







well... here are the rest of the pics... just randomly posted from yesterday... today's conversation being from our walk today

i made josh take some pictures of the boys and i.  usually, i am the one taking the pictures so there aren't a lot of pictures of me with my children... i also may be avoiding the camera until i loose some of the baby weight... but if i did that i would never have any sweet pictures with me and my children while they are still young...

 about asher:

he could do and be anything that he wanted to...

he has... in his very short life been... a pro basketball player... learning how to slam dunk and swish on his little toy hoop...  an avid lover of cars, he has made sure that we drive fast enough (you're a race car mom, like lightening, drive faster!) and safe enough on the road (mom, put your seatbelt on(trained by josh))... he has traveled to the future and has fixed the kitchen table, the vacuum and other various articles and furniture around the house...A lover of the alphabet he will ask me or josh what the letters are over and over again... he has mastered the art of writing an A, H, and T...what about painting and drawing? he has taken his abilities from paper to a few of the walls in our apartment... he has also discovered that finger paint is not the only medium available to him... mascara creates master pieces also!...the only thing he may not have explored completely is music... although he can tell the difference between mom's music and dad's(mom, that is your music)... he can also sing the itsy bitsy spider with only a little prompting...his memorizing power is intense... most of the books we own you can stop mid sentence and he will finish it for you, if he isn't too busy playing or feeling shy... when we go to the park their is no end to his energy... he will run and run and run and then climb and slide then run some more... and then rush up to someone and proclaim them to be his friend (hi! friend!) and then tell them to follow him, a  little dictator :)... it is always confusing to him when they shy away and i always sigh  a breath of relief when they consent to follow and be his friend...

today, he jumped up on the coach and yelled, "to infinity and beyond... thumped his chest... then spread his wings(arms) like an eagle (or buzz lightyear's wings) and jumped... he is a never ending source of joy and surprises... i often wonder if my intelligence is up to his never ending supply 

who is isaac?

it is interesting how, when you first become pregnant, you immediately begin to wonder who this little being inside of you is... who will they look like... will your genes and your husband's genes cooperate well? will this be the wild child your relatives have been promising will come, inevitably and beautifully, into your life? well, he has arrived and surprisingly he looks more like me, although, i believe he looks most like my grandpa wilson.  i feel, in some ways. i am still waiting to see what his personality will be... i know that he is gentle and mild mannered... but at the same time he has a very strong voice and isn't afraid to make his demands known... not only to me, but to the neighbors below and to the side of us too! (asher has a similar disposition)... isaac, will see something across the room and inch worm his way over there... tenacity and endurance in its purest form... usually, it is something he wants to put in his mouth...everything was made to put in his mouth according to him (the more dangerous and disgusting the better)... the other day he inched his way across the floor while i was doing dishes in the kitchen... unknown to me he made it! and softly put his little hand on my calf... as if to say, please mom, stop... the dishes can wait... i need to be held... the littleness of his hand and the gentleness of his touch brought a few quiet tears to my eyes... knowing that this time is so short, they grow so fast... soon, he will be too old and independent to be held... like asher, he has an intensity and focus on things that he wants or is curious about... he has a look and a breathing pattern when he is discovering something new... i love just sitting and watching him (and asher) when they are in that mode...lastly, i love the way he snuggles and kicks and squirms and squeals when i pick him up or take him back from someone else's arms, so happy, to be held, loved and adored by mom

trying for perfection

i love it when you try to take a good picture but you
just keeping missing it... someone decides to be uncooperative.

baby showers

yesterday, i had the amazing experience of socializing with other women my age who were in similar circumstances... i went to a baby shower.   it was so pleasant, i do enjoy telling stories and laughing and making other people laugh too!  we talked about everything motherhood.  from how to love and raise your children, to giving birth naturally vs. not (we prefer naturally), to clean and dirty homes, to clean and unshowered moms, to past experiences and places we have been.  i left feeling richer for the experience.

right now, josh is laying on the floor clinging to the possibility of a nap while his children tumble over him and laugh and giggle... i don't think the nap will happen... i am so glad my children like/love each other and that my husband plays with them too.
today, at church i had a similar experience as i did at the baby shower... just feeling surrounded by good people and lots of love every where.... i especially love the mother's room... a place where mothers go to feed and change their children (the men have a changing table too... but they give women a room with chairs and couches also!)... every time i am in this room i feel i make new friends and learn new and useful things for parenting ...  or at the very least strengthened knowing there are mothers who are experiencing what i am and doing it gracefully, as gracefully as imperfect people can :)...
i feel full right now, full of life and love and joy... gratitude for the good things we have... a happy family who loves one another... we aren't perfect... life hasn't been easy... but it has its moments were love seems to be overflowing...

other things that happened this week...
asher told me twice... once when he wouldn't let me rock him to sleep (i told him, he was growing big and one day i wouldn't be able to anymore)  and another time when he threw a tantrum... he said "mom, it's going to be okay"... when did he get to be so smart! and tenderhearted!

we also, took a trip to the park ... all four of us... it was pleasant... asher chasing bubbles and isaac eating grass...
josh and i have been discovering the Marx brothers... so funny! (asher likes them too!)

and isaac has been perfecting his inch worm crawl and becoming smarter and smarter every day!

mother's day

it is sunday again... amazing what one week will bring... on wednesday we went to the neighbors to play in their yard and had a wonderful time! so much better then at the park! (we live in apartments with no yard or anything (bad choice for people with kids i know))...the next day asher was sick and kept us up all night... the next night i was sick and kept myself up all night (josh took care of both asher and i both nights)... today, i have finally been able to keep food down! watermelon is an amazing fruit for a sick belly... it is the fruit that helped me most during my pregnancies...

earlier i watched a video about a mother who got burned in an airplane accident... her face was disfigured and scared and she talked about missing the other person she had been (she was a very beautiful woman)... she talked about the pain she suffered and how hard it was to come out of the comma and how hard it was to be seen in public... but she felt blessed and she felt life had a purpose... her greatest purpose being a mother... she felt it was a privilege to be a mother ... an honor to teach the children that God had given to her care...

with those few word my heart was struck... i thought of my own beautiful children and the struggles i face on a day to day basis... the frustration that my dishes never seem to be done... my house frequently a mess... no matter how hard i try to keep up there always seems to be one thing more... and those are just little things... little things that block my view to what is really important... my children... my sweet, sweet children... i love them... i love that both my boys are gentle and loving... both seem to know how to use their voices and say what they want (some day they will learn to say please first :)... i love how intelligent and creative they both are... sometimes they just blow my mind away with the things they say (ok... what asher says... isaac doesn't say words yet... but he does speak his mind :)...occasionally, i am frightened by the intelligence my children posses... will we be able to keep up with them in their teenage years? what i love best about them though is a feeling... a feeling that i don't really know them... that underneath, hidden from view... is a reservoir of light and beauty... strength, courage and intelligence... just as you know a rose seed will grow into something beautiful... you know that your children are full of the same sort of powerful potential... something you cannot see but feel inside your heart...

i am a blessed mom and wife

My first real post

with some trepidation and with a feeling that i have NO idea what i am doing... i write my first blog post... i think... there might be one other one wondering around out there but i don't know where i left it... i do know where my children are though... please don't ask about the car keys there are only so many things i can keep track of...

today is sunday. my children are sleeping which always gives way for a hip hip hurah! i spoke too soon... i think i hear sound erupting from childrens' chambers :) speaking of

i love my children... it isn't easy being a mom (it is one of the hardest jobs i have ever taken on) but it is very worth it... and it is usually the small things that make it bearable... the way asher will hold me when he wants to be comforted... the way isaac kicks his legs and arms excitedly when he knows i am about to pick him up... the spontaneous i love yous and kisses... the quiet moments of singing my children to sleep while rocking them... and the many many smiles and laughing and giggling... all these and many more make up the measure of being a parent...

i also love those surprising little moments where your children do something particularly talented or intelligent...

well... we are off now to magra and pagra's (grandma and grandpa's... asher couldn't say the words properly when he was young and it just sort of stuck)