laugh or cry

Elder Neal A Maxwell once said, "We are here in mortality, and the only way to go is through; there isn't any around!" I would add ( Sister Hinckley), the only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

What Isaac does





Isaac is so cuddly.  I love it.  He will come up to me when I am laying on the floor and lay down on top of me.  Of course, I start to tickle him and blow raspberries on his little belly which makes him laugh and then I laugh.  So sweet.



There isn't a thing he won't try to do, especially if he sees Asher do it first.


He is most proud of himself if he can climb up onto something.  He will stand on the object he has just conquered and stick out his belly in satisfaction and then pat it with his little hands.  Once he has done this little ritual he will move onto whatever motivated him to climb up in the first place.  Like spilling the class of milk left on the table, or dumping out half a jar of Costco pepper ( Costco is relevant because of the size).  One morning, Josh and I were in our room when Asher came running in, "Isaac is on the table!"... I thought he said something about the cable... Josh went rushing into the room and yes, indeed, Isaac had crawled up onto the black kitchen table under the window.  It is with frequency that I pry him off kitchen table too, he of course heads to the fragile decorations I have sitting on top of it.



Lately, Asher and he have been running around playing dogs together, panting and chasing each other and hiding behind makeshift forts (the kitchen chairs turned over)... sometimes, I will catch Isaac randomly starting to pant and smiling really big at his fun game.



It is nice that they are such good friends, not perfect friends but good friends.  Asher does have the bad habit of grabbing things from Isaac and playing mom, even when I say it is okay for Isaac to do something.  Isaac on the other hand wants whatever it is Asher is doing which causes some conflict.  There are times though when both boys are amenable to sharing and do it well and happily.



What Asher says



 Asher:
"I am thinking about gum mom."

Me:
"What are you thinking about the gum?"

Asher:
"I want to take it." While staring intently at a pack of gum.




Me:
"Asher, that really makes me sad."  (This was after he had just told me how sad something made him, we had been playing together)
Asher:
"Mom, you need to be happy" (In essence, you need to get over it...)




On the way to pick Josh up from work, Isaac fell right to sleep and Asher was one his way when I hear him starting to yell
"They keep falling down"

Me:
"What is falling down"

Asher:
"My eyes!, They keep falling down and I poked them with my finger!" (Both Asher and Isaac will poke themselves in the eyes to keep from falling asleep)






Later on the ride home.

Josh:
"Asher close your eyes and think about sheep.  Can you see them?  Start counting"

later, still trying to get him to fall asleep

Me:
"Can you see the sheep?  What are their names?"

Asher:
"Bob, the sheep, and he likes to build stuff..." (he then starts talking about all the stuff Bob the Sheep builds and then ends with...)..."and he does a special cow yoga!"





To his dad:
"I am not a banana" (Josh likes to tease his kids)
"I have hands so I can't be a banana!"

Monday, December 13, 2010

Things You Wish You Didn't Have to Say to Your Children


Hands out, yucky, yucky, we don't eat the garbage.

Not around the neck, not around the neck! (This was at church, Josh wasn't sitting with us yet (he had an early meeting) and Asher was exuberantly hugging Isaac around the neck while Isaac described in loud crying just how unfair this situation really was...and this was after I had just dragged them both out from under the pews... I wonder what the people in front of us were thinking...thankfully, church hadn't started yet, almost but not yet.

Please don't put that in the electric outlet! (they take the covers off... clever little boys :(

Yuck! We don't drink water from the toilet... SO! Gross!


We don't eat the Desitin love... that one involved a call to Poison Control, but there isn't anything really bad in it... just stuff that causes evacuation from both extremities if taken in large doses

As you can see both of my little boys know how to find trouble... in fact they invite him in daily along with Trouble's friends, Chaos and Massive Amounts of Energy (long name right! :0)...  It seems though, that right now, Isaac is better friends with trouble and Asher's best friend is MAE (always running, running, running).  The good thing is that although they have the crazies sometimes, in general, they are sweet tempered and easy to forgive.







I watched "Bones" the other day

It isn't a show I watch frequently but,



The other day I was watching the television show, Bones.  In it the main character questions a bible story, the story about Abraham and Isaac.  I found the questions to be interesting and wished to be able to respond to them.  They will never read this I am sure but... I would like to throw it out there into Cyber Space anyway... to be lost or read, doesn't matter... I will feel like I was honest with myself :) 
On the surface the story of Abraham and Isaac may seem like God is whimsical and demanding asking for the utmost of a father and his child, an unreasonable sacrifice.  It was the very sacrifice He gave to us.  This story was not just for Abraham and Isaac to learn to be obedient, to give their all, or to have faith and trust in God that a way will be provided out of the worst in life, but it is also for you and me, to show us what it was that God gave us.  God spared Abraham and Isaac.  Our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ were not spared, there was no other offering to take their places.  God, the Father allowed for His Son to die for us, and it was His love of all of His children that allowed Him to do it.  A Latter Day prophet suggested that God hid in the corners of His universe because the pain was so excruciating, witnessing the suffering and pain of His Son, something the Savior had to do alone.  Jesus Christ, the Son, followed the will of the Father, and suffered for us, not only tasting the bitterness of sin as a whole, but I believe, tasting the tragedy and scope of sin, sorrow, illness, pain, death, suffering, all things for all of us, individually, so that individually he would know how to heal us.  It was the only way for us to Return Home.  It was the only way for us to find healing and be purified of our sins.  They both did it because They loved us.  What God asked Abraham and Isaac to do was a type of what Heavenly Father and Jesus would do for us.


John 3: 16

16 "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.





Monday, December 6, 2010

Christmas Devotional


http://lds.org/broadcasts/watch/christmas-devotional/2010/12?pid=692245596001&pkey=AQ~~,AAAAjP0hvGE~,N-ZbNsw4qBrw7kwhMdnhxO2ZFGj6dA4f&lang=eng

The I can't complex #3

This is Isaac getting mad because he can't climb and move in his winter clothing :) by the way, I DID totally overdress him for the day... a warm coat would have sufficed I believe :)
Looking back over my life, I can now see that the "can't" attitude has always been lurking in the back playing field of my life.  So many times when I thought I couldn't, and I didn't.  Many lost opportunities and amazing experiences slipped through my fearful open handed palms.  Moments, I will sometimes gaze at and wonder what would have happened if... such a sad word, if.   Fortunately there have been enough moments in my life when I thought I couldn't and I surprised myself by accomplishing the very difficult "I can't."  When I allowed myself to move forward against the insurmountable "can't" moment, and slowly the immobilizing fear becomes exhilaration, pleasure and awe as I witness the climb over and around the impassable.  One of those moments for me was during my second son's childbirth.  It is one of the most miraculous things a woman can do, but it does not determine a woman's value and contribution to life.  For me, it was a teaching moment from God.  


overwhelmed by leaves


My experience with my first son, Asher, had its own lesson to learn, love as a gift from God and the idea that pain and suffering can lead to exquisite joy.  With Isaac, my second son, I learned something new, because my experiences were different.  When I gave birth to Asher, I had an epidural, the pain was intense, my body was shaking and I was vomiting because of the pitocin they used to induce me.  With Isaac, I was determined to complete the journey without being induced by pitocin and without any pain killer.   One of the reasons was because I remembered my sister's story of natural child birth.  She talked about the pain being unendurable as if she was walking the line in the Valley of Death and when she thought there was nothing more to give, it was done and she exclaimed in joy "My baby, My baby! and held her baby close to her heart. 


My baby




For whatever reason I wanted to experience the whole deal, I wanted to prove that I could tolerate the pain, that I could pass close to the veil, suffering for my child, so that I could learn and exclaim as my sister had done in joy, "My baby, My baby!"... I thought that by doing so, maybe I could understand, a little, of how the Savior feels for us.  He endured immeasurable pain, suffering and sorrow so that He could give us Life Eternal.  He did it because He loves us and so He could heal us.  I know that it might sound sacrilegious to some, to me it is a beautiful metaphor that helps us to understand the Savior and His love for us... It is a sliver in comparison to what He did for us, but it still gives us a glimpse.


Glimpse of Heaven


During the worst of the pain I was able to take myself out of my body, up and out the top of my head... so that the pain was there, but I wasn't IN the pain I was outside of it... I did that in running a sort of out of body experience where I could feel the pain, but somehow I could take myself outside of my body and push it to go further and faster then I could have ever imagined.  There did come a point though, during child birth, when I couldn't escape the intense pain in my body, but by that time I was delivering my baby which didn't last very long at all.  less then 15 minutes of pushing... some people can finish a three mile race in that amount of time... I probably never will... but I can give birth in the same amount of time.


MOom!


Of the experience I wrote:


"I wanted to see if I could give birth naturally and I did!  It was a sort of taste test experience, how will I like chocolate with marshmallows vs chocolate without marshmallows, how will I like natural birth compared to an epidural?... Actually, both the epidural and natural birth hurt, there is not a "truly" easy way out... I thought I had missed something having an epidural that most women expreience, a closeness to the Savior, A walk through the valley of death.  Instead I have found that what I was taught with Asher and Isaac wasn't less, just different. Both experiences taught me what I needed to learn and hear and feel, precisely how the Atonement works, individually.... Both births left me with a feeling of amazement... here was my child! the purpose, the reason behind the sacrifice, the morning sickness, the pains of labor and pushing, here was everything I had been working for, the fruit of my labor and it was more then worth it... before you have the baby you believe it is worth it, but when you have that baby in your arms, you know they are worth it.


Seriously, so worth it... such a cute Hippie :)


Before I started pushing I felt focused but afraid, especially when I started feeling the pressure and the pain.  When it came time to push I felt very afraid.  It HURT, I was crazy to try this but there was nothing to be done now, the only way out was forward.
My sister Lynaea kept breathing with me, keeping my rhythm from panic mode.  She also made me look at her eyes and would repeat, "Stay on top of the Panic!, Stay on top of the Panic! Focus, Focus!... the most comforting was when she said, "You sound just like me, when I was in labor!"
I thought in my mind, "I am like her, I am like her, it is okay, I can do this... she did it, I can do it!"  She is another person I respect and admire, to sound like her, be like her... was very comforting, I knew I could do it!"  Whenever she said it, it would bring me back from the edge of panic, the precipice of pain... and I could... amidst all the confusion... all the pain... all the, I have no idea what I am doing, there was that focus.  You are just like me.


Asher was posing... he originally was cuddling with Isaac but when I came to take the picture everything was ruined and we had to go with a pose instead... Isaac really was asleep though :)


I couldn't have done it without her.  I couldn't have done it without my husband, who may not have been as vocal, but he was my rock, my refuge, a place of safety and comfort urging me on with a quiet, physical, hands on reassurance.  I would have been lost without him also.  (Joshua contributed greatly to my learning experience this time, but it is a little special and I want to keep it between the two of us... let it suffice to say that he was amazed at what his wife had done and who she was...)...




"Who are these Children Coming"




After trekking through the pain and agony and bliss and joy of childbirth, natural, drug free I felt like there wasn't anything that I couldn't do.  It was a pivotal moment for me where instead of leaning towards, I can't I started leaning more towards I can.  I know my body and my self better now, I know the depths of pain and know that I will push through them.  I will not crash and burn.  I will not curl up and give in, but I will go forward even though I felt weak and like I couldn't... I did go forward to give life to another.  Instead of cringing or shrinking I will push through the pain for the joy of creation and life, a new spirit to love and nurture. 


Love and Laughter




I know some people feel that giving birth was a punishment given to Eve... but I don't think it was to punish and torture... Yes, there was pain consigned with the act of giving birth... but in doing so (because really sisters... even with an epidural you still feel pain) we learn about ourselves... the depths, the strength of a woman's soul... not just her body but her soul... and everything she will do to give life to another spirit... to give life to the love she has for her husband.  I don't believe learning that about yourself is a punishment, but a joy, a joy that does not come easily.


Gazing towards Heaven


I thought I couldn't but I did.  Even though I was weak I pushed forward.  Is there anything more beautiful then that, when you feel most that you can't but you do, maybe not perfectly... but... you do.
Yes
I would like to add, that the learning experiences I had in childbirth are not consigned only to that experience.  I believe that whatever walk of life we are in God will provide the opportunities for us to discover ourselves, create and find joy.  Womanhood is not only found in childbirth... it is a distinct part of being a woman, but it is not the only way for us to achieve our full potential in this life or the next.  I believe God is a God of opportunities and makes experiences especially handcrafted for each, individual, child to learn according to their needs and their knowledge.


Mud in my Mouth
If you asked me today if I thought I could run REAL fast, if I put in the training, I would probably still say no... I do have alligator legs after all... but I do believe that I can push myself further and faster then I previously thought I could


Joy in the Simple Things


In Whom All Things Are Possible








Sunday, December 5, 2010

The Skillicorn Reunion

I was never able to post these when it happened, but I thought I would still post the pictures... I am not outside as often so I am not taking as many pictures, which gives me a moment to catch up :) And I just realized there are no pictures of Magra... hmmmm...



Grandpa Skillicorn and Emma
Josh and Isaac


Pagra Hill and Isaac, sharing a moment



All the Hill men that were available


Pagra Laughs Out Loud



Great Grandma Skillicorn, would you like a drink?



Emma and Isaac, squishy belly so much fun

Lorna and Grandma Skillicorn


walking in the light


Posing :)