i have my camera again and asher is begging me to stop taking pictures

today, was a good day.

i went for a walk with my boys early this afternoon, rather then later like i normally do, because i keep dilly dallying and losing track of time and chores.

the air was cool, the wind was fresh, the rain was delightful with only an occasional drop, nothing that drenched us.

i don't know if you can see it but the disturbance on the water is rain

the boys were smiling and laughing...

 all though i had to take isaac's shoes off to illicit a smile from him... he does not like his shoes at all... but socks are intriguing and all right.

we went to the 'clean' water park and asher and isaac both chased the ducks... asher exuberantly and isaac determinedly

but we had to leave early because asher was drenched but he did not throw a tantrum or resist...

he went rather willingly

asher wore my sweater and these blankets home

little moments

life seems to be made up of all sorts of moments...moments when you think you just might be going crazy, driven there by your child swinging from the walls, the chairs, the grocery shopping cart your own personal little monkey... occasions when your children are blessed little angels snuggling so close to you with their warm little bodies.... all the love in the world wrapped up in their sweet hugs... days when you realize that your house will never stay clean no matter how many times you clean and re-clean it... weeks when your day to day rush of living leaves you gasping for air, in a current you just can't stop, time waits for no one (this is when the house gets messiest :)... and there are times i wish i could package the events of the day... in my very best wrapping paper... and save it forever...and never forget how precious and wonderful, sweet and perfect (despite all the imperfections) it really is... yesterday, was just such a day for me

we tried going on a walk to the park and when we arrived we realized we couldn't play there because all the toys would be too too too hot :)... so, we went to the dirty duck park instead of the clean one because it was closer and we were running out of time...

see how green and dirty the water looks!

when we arrived, I  set asher free from the confines of his stroller... he immediately ran over to the only other people that happened to be there... a young man and his... wife?... sister?, i wasn't sure but he had a protective air about him.  She was severely crippled and hobbling around on one brace trying to feed the ducks and enjoy nature.  it was a reminder to me to be grateful... to be kind...to marvel at the tenacity and endurance of the human spirit. They were warm and kind and shared their food for the ducks with asher (corn chips)... it was a beautiful moment but a part of me felt awkward despite this couple's kindness. asher is so unafraid of people when we are at the park... so willing to go up to them and figuratively embrace them... sometimes literally as in the case of the runners around the byu race track... while i love that he is so unafraid and so willing to love others, i, as mother, am lingering around my child while the strangers try to appropriately respond to this precocious child... if they knew asher it wouldn't be so awkward i am sure... part of my insecurity is that i don't know how long i should allow asher to linger and when we should say, thank you and move on to do our own thing... after all, our fellow park goers did not go there to play with asher but have their own agenda and things to talk about while there.  i was grateful in the end that they were generous and sweet and shared with asher their smiles, their generosity and their corn chips.

next, asher, isaac and i moved up the stairs and found a little patch of grass where i could put isaac down (he later wondered off and found some bushes with two to three inch thorns... luckily, he hadn't tried to hold them yet) i then chased asher in a game of tag while isaac watched... sometimes laughing.... sometimes oblivious and doing his own discoveries and sometimes i could see a longing to join in the fun (walk baby walk!)... This fun only lasted a few moments.  Asher's attention span will only last so long, especially when just few feet away from our playing were some sprinklers... it only took a few minutes of playing and maneuvering for asher to realize that he could control the direction of the sprinkler... while i was encouraging him to stop and desist from this fascinating activity... i heard yelping and screaming... i looked up the hill and realized asher was soaking two coed girls coming home from classes... i hadn't realized how far the sprinkler could go... before we left asher sprinkled one other coed and a man in a nice dress suit... after this last incident it was time to employ some discipline and remove my child from the situation.  So back down the stairs to the stroller we went (oh and did i mention... on the way up the stairs some one randomly turned around after they passed us to casually remark on how cute my children were... that is only because he hadn't been sprayed with the sprinkler :) :) )...  on the way back down... we came across the byu construction crew rebuilding a creek bed, waterfall, and brick path... asher, with his usual lack of fear, walked straight up to the young men and started grilling them on what was going on! ( i will write the questions down... i can't remember the order or how often he repeated the same question...)

"what are you guys doing?"

"are you working hard?"

"where is the tractor?"

"is it tired?"

"what is that pile of dirt doing"

"what are those bricks doing" (this is his funniest way of asking things... what are those mountains doing, mom? or what is that store doing?... things like that)

their first response was shock and reserve... then smiles and nods as they tried to respond and translate my three year old's jabber... then actual answers :)...

later, the boss of these young men came over and let asher work with the guys (they had to re do what asher did and even some of what they did because asher was not careful enough to avoid the smooth dirt and walked right through it! :)... but asher loved it and they didn't seem to mind but seemed (so hard to tell) to be enjoying the moment too!

while asher was working, he said...

"this is hard work!"

"i love working with tools and dirt!"

"i love hard work!" (i hope that lasts!)

their boss took pictures of asher and then sent one to me so that i could have proof that my son worked for byu... he told us we could use it for later when we tried to get asher into byu... he was just a genuinely sweet man... which made a good day even better... i felt enhanced... uplifted... encouraged by the generosity of the people around us... making a fun day with my children, beautiful... one that i wish to remember forever... it could have been a hard day after all... chasing asher away from the sprinklers and keeping him safe by my side... but instead it was nice... pleasant... beautiful... amplified by the interactions of really good people who were generous, kind and accepting of my sons forward nature :)

these pictures were not taken the day of this walk

twighlight

the other day, as i was nursing my son to sleep, i allowed my thoughts to drift, float and meander until they came upon the absurd little word... twighlight... why? why would they spell it that way? wouldn't it make more sense to spell it twilight ...and i began to wonder about the origins of the word... and i thought maybe it was supposed to be like twiglight... like the shade under the branches (twigs) of the tree... darker... a place where shadows play in the light...i then conjured my favorite picture of twilight...

one that makes me think of trees... rolling hills adorned in long golden grass with tall pine trees... dark against the burning sky...dark...yet soft and velvety, like lace... the sort of place a horse and rider could romantically, if not realistically, gallop across in a sudden bid for freedom...  all of these pictures and ideas combined in my head only to emerge as irrefutable proof that yes, it was twiglight not twilight...
but...don't worry reader... i talked to josh and he corrected my REALLY bad spelling... it is twilight and not twighlight...

josh was really surprised i would write something like this about myself... if it is humorous at all to anyone then i don't mind exposing my silliness :)

what my boys and i have been doing

it feels like forever since i have had a moment to write...
so many things to say.
well... here goes
first.

isaac is growing so much and changing and learning and letting us know exactly who he is! it's fun.
he has started standing up randomly... first, he will squat and then slowly rise up until he is standing... then he will smile and smirk... as if to say... yes i am amazing :)... the first time i saw him do it, being the good mom that i am, i clapped and whooped and  showered him with praise... and he just looked at me like... uh... mom... what are you doing? is this a good thing or a bad thing?... but now he just eats it up!
the other day isaac, asher, josh and i all went to byu to get josh's school books... while we were there we took a small detour and picked up some milk and hot dogs at the creamery (we had the stroller... a regular home evening night :)... we then walked to the 'clean' duck pond that has a stream, pond and waterfall... on the way there the boys ate their hot dogs... well, asher ate his hot dog and isaac ...isaac... helped... by wolfing down everything in sight and when his was gone he kept grabbing at asher's and stealing his bread... the hot dog itself tightly entrenched in asher's hands was the only reason isaac didn't eat that too! :)... it was SO funny to see the interaction... isaac so unafraid... this is what i want and I AM going to get it... and asher, sort of... didn't care... he just looked a little miffed... but never said anything or did anything to stop isaac and neither did we... if asher had been upset we may have done something... i think it worked out all right because asher doesn't like the bread anyway :)

for me, it was a perfect moment... i have been wanting all of us to go up to the waterfall and play together for quite sometime... but it never seemed to work out... with josh going to school and working and people getting sick... etc etc...  but, this day we were out in nature ... enjoying it together... and someone else got to run off after asher while i played with isaac... isaac doesn't get much down time to explore because asher does not sit still or stay near me... most of our time is spent chasing after asher, making sure he is safe... i haven't cracked down on it yet... maybe i should... but there are so many battles to choose from that i have decided to let this one go for now... when the two boys start running in different directions i may change how i feel about the situation :).

while we were there josh and asher took one of the hot dog "boats" and used it to go over the waterfall... josh did it first while asher waited with me at the bottom of the (smallish) waterfall... josh from up above was trying to get asher to move along the rocks at the bottom of the waterfall...instead asher plunged into the pool (not too deep but it was too cold!)... it was one of those moments where you wished you hadn't lost your battery charger and that you weren't too poor to replace it... soon...it will be done... but so much has already been lost :(


second...asher

he is SO like me... i have been letting him watch harry potter but not all of it because it is too scary for a three year old... but i let him watch the parts that aren't so scary... like when they fly on the brooms... and after he gets done watching the movie he will get up and say, "I AM harry potter... where is my broom... i want to fly... etc etc" i think for him the most significant part of the movie is the flying ability :)... but it is just like me to want to become totally immersed... to somehow find the magical world... that is just fingertips away... you can see it... but you can't touch it... so you try to become it...

josh and i were flirting in the kitchen trying to intimidate each other in a very silly way... when josh stops and turns to asher standing on a kitchen chair and asks, "who is bigger? me? or mom?"... asher stops and thinks a little bit and then with his impish smile says "i am biggest!"... what a tease

he is growing up so much... he isn't so little anymore... it sort of makes me sad... really...

so sad... i do not have a camera for documentation

i finally have a moment to write... but i find that, in the end, i don't want to.  i want to go to sleep. so tired. always so tired. but these last few days have been fun and need to be documented.
on sunday, i took the kids and two stowaways, lorna and emma, to my aunt's house.  this particular aunt has been an adopted mom for me. in fact she is my mom's sister so it is pretty appropriate... i do have two adopted moms... both aunts that took care of me while i was single and going to school. love them.  actually, the interesting thing about the two is that they are both feisty aunts and my mom is the antithesis of feisty... she is a strong woman but she isn't feisty :)...
anyway, we get there and we talked a little bit and then she took us to go see the horses, dogs, steer and garden... asher was totally unafraid which was not remarkable to me , but to my aunt who had introduced children and animals before, found it to be really remarkable... asher just climbed right up on the horse's back and sat there just enjoying himself... i think it might not have frightened him because he was determined to be a cowboy just like woody... in fact, while he was sitting on top of the horse he said something like, "look! i am a cowboy! just like woody!"... the horse started moving around too much and asher had to come down because the horse didn't have a halter or a saddle... we then moved on to feed the steer and both asher and i were fascinated with the length and versatility of it's tongue... it just wrapped around the corn stalk asher was giving him and pulled it in... asher also got licked on the head... his facial expression was priceless... a mixture between shock, disgust and uncontrollable giggling... it was fun!
after feeding the steer we moved on to the dogs... there were three but aunt larita only let two of them out to play... one licked isaac and isaac started crying.... they both jumped on asher and asher loved it... he has had more time to adjust to dogs and animals thanks to grandma and grandpa skillicorn and uncle jimmy and aunt kristin :)

learning how to be mom

asher eating fruit at the park, oregon

recently, i have been thinking of my mothering responsibilities in terms of gardening and farming.  i think of the hard work i did growing up in my parents' garden and berry farm (i have yet to grow my own ).  the term, hard work,  is to be indicative of the rare occasions when i wasn't dancing, singing or playing and actually working.  in fact, because of one of those frolicking occasions, when i was not outside with the rest of the family, planting berries in the cold cold rain in the still semi frozen earth, i missed an epic conversation with my sisters.  it had something to do with worms, dinosaurs, and evolution.  i wasn't there, i only heard about it and saw the last sparks of contagious laughter in their eyes, so i may not give the details correctly.  all i remember is they had decided that the great tyrannosaurus rex had somehow evolved or devolved into a worm and that he was tired of it.  he was tired of being a wet, cold worm and so he was going to go back to the sea, to see if he couldn't evolve into something better.  i can see the now tiny tyrannosaurus rex shocked and dismayed at finding himself a worm, frustrated at being manhandled in the planting process... i can also see him inching his way back to the sea growling and lost in soliloquies of how he would once again rule the earth.  if you can't succeed try again, i guess.
i digress but only a little.

happy little man

Because i had been lost doing something i shouldn't have been doing, i missed a poignant funny moment and can only live it vicariously, wishing i had been there.   i don't want that to happen with my children.  i don't want to miss the sweet moments.  i want to be there for them even if it means i miss something else, like the latest greatest movie.  not that i have to sacrifice everything (there is a balance... the parenting balance beam). as a young child i learned the eternal truth of harvesting the fruit of your labor and now i know that what i give to my children will manifest itself later, just like a garden.  not that i or they will be perfect.  hopefully they won't be seriously flawed :)
but this is my work now. it is beautiful and rewarding.  it does require some sacrifice, but sacrifice will only bring blessings. when i play with my children, watch them grow, teach them good things then i am blessing my life and theirs. i am giving the good food (not literal but symbolically :) to grow and be strong and hopefully they will be equipped with good tools like the ability to change, to love, to be peaceful/hopeful even when they are served their lemons, knowing that they are children of God and that He loves them and that when they work with Him, lemons become lemonade :).

dogwood flowering at my parent's house in oregon

i do realize this post is a little preachy... i am not trying to preach to others but trying to write what i have learned and what i am trying to do... i am not there yet... but i do have ideals for myself :)... life is a personal journey and just because you are not doing what someone else is doing doesn't mean you are not performing well in life :)

walking with lorna quotes

lorna, my sister in law, hiding from the camera

the other day lorna and i went walking along the bonneville shoreline trail again.  i think, i think that the harder the walk is the less oxygen we have and the less oxygen we have the more we laugh.  we were laughing and having so much fun that a person (a man) slowed down just enough to comment on how much fun we were having.  he said, "you guys must be having a lot of fun!" at which point we both laughed and said, "yes." :)  i said yes because i had actually heard him, lorna was just smiling and nodding and wondering what he was doing!
so anyway... here are some quotes from our walk. i won't attribute them to anyone since i don't want anyone embarrassed :) and i am sorry if any of the words are offensive :)

why is that green!... oh, wait that's a lawn

poop!
TOUCH it!

bears, cougars or wedgies?
wedgies. they can really hurt. trust me. i had friend who gave me wedgies.

i don't smile when i wake up in the morning.

i love my butt.  i call it my buddha butt.

i once had a friend who called me brainless and her name was buttless

i do believe that was enough to make us laugh the whole walk...there may be other ones i will add later... my brain, being deprived of oxygen, can't remember them all :)

the bonneville shoreline trail runs along the base of these mountains