asher's birthday

like i said i don't have a camera right now... i lost the battery charger and so was not able to chronicle asher's third birthday like i would have liked too... instead i will post some pictures of asher throughout his three years and talk about how wonderful and amazing he is :)

he was a very good baby... and slept most of the time in my arms or joshua's arms... we had a hard time putting him down... he didn't cry too too much (he did cry i do remember waking up WAY to early wondering how to get him back to sleep... we soon learned the art of burping a baby)

when he wouldn't take naps i would take him on a walk in the stroller... and sometimes he would fall asleep there... he still loves going on a walk in our stroller

he was and is a very adorable baby/boy

on really bad hair days i would wear this hat too!... which should have been an automatic qualification onto what not to wear!

once again proof that babies are beautiful and adorable no matter how funny their hair looks... how many rolls they have... seriously... nothing makes a baby uncute :)

                                               learning how to make a smooth move

                                             hmmm... yummy shirt

                                              

                                                   this tie is better though... have a taste

                                               strings! wow! wish i had discovered them sooner!

                                           it is true, i am adorable... completely cute!

i remember this night still, he would NOT go to sleep... he just sat there laughing and squealing and rocking back and forth... at first i was frustrated when i tried to get him to sleep... but then when i left him alone he was just too cute... so i went and got the camera... i should have had the video recorder... it was a silly sweet moment

                                             yes... he is still mischievous and likes to tease!

learning how to share... this was the first time he met his cousin sari... i think they are only a few months apart

dirt is still a favorite... the other day we were going to the park and he said, "is there dirt at the park mom?"... he wanted to make sure he was going somewhere with dirt... he must have gotten it from me... i loved playing in the dirt and the mud when i was little... my mom would dress me for church and tell me (and my brother, david) to sit still while she got ready... before she knew it we were outside getting muddy and dirty...(my dad had to leave earlier to help with church stuff ) i may not have understood then what my mother was going through... but i DO now! :)

he also loved flags... but had a hard time saying the word right... and would end up swearing a really, really, really naughty word! it was too too funny... once he said it in the Deseret Book Store (a Mormon/LDS store) repeatedly... we left quickly while stifling our laughter

                                                      he also, loved/s flowers and...

balls... he used to be able to dunk and swish on his toy hoop... but he has lost interest recently i am not sure why... we were pretty sure he would be the next... jordan, lebron, williams, etc etc but if he doesn't love it we aren't going to push the issue :)

he also loved/s daydreaming and...

escaping

running to escape

and finding the best way away and out

                                                               sure, give the innocent look :)

                                            just remember not to text/talk and drive! :)

                                             mom... put the camera down... he still doesn't like the camera

                                                                 look look a plane!...

                                          

                                                        i believe he is pointing to a ball... it was one of his first words... along with mom, dad, bob (i am not sure who bob was ), other first words were touchdown! money! booozer!(whe he was about a year or so old)...etc etc... from these words you can tell that his father and uncle love basketball and football!

                                this is the first time he met his second cousin talmadge...
                                                     i believe they got along really well

picking berries... non edible

he loved helping me with whatever i was doing...raking, vacuuming, sweeping dishes... not so much anymore

escaping again

stop taking pictures!

                                          fun in the snow

well... mostly fun... we kept loosing the gloves and using socks 

he was actually having fun this day... we went outside almost every day for the first year and half of his life... and then... i got morning sickness with my pregnancy... we also didn't watch ANY tv (asher didn't) until i get pregnant again... and now we are addicted... sad,sad, sad

this was right before or right after isaac was born... i guess i didn't take a lot of pictures during my pregnancy... i know they should be somewhere put i am not sure where...

just cute

and now he LOVES cars and fixing things, not balls so much

but he still loves dirt

when we go to the park he likes to make little clouds of dust fly... not so fun for those sharing the park with him... i haven't decided what the best policy should be... dust or no dust... only so many battles a mother can choose to fight in one day

besides getting older himself, i do believe the birth of his brother to be one of the most momentous occasions of his little life so far... he did remarkably well... he did hide under his crib a few times because he said he felt better under there... it almost broke my heart to know how sad he was feeling... but they love each other and do a good job of playing together... nothing serious... just normal stuff... like having a hard time sharing... and isaac cries sometimes when asher gives him hugs and kisses (another hard one... what do we do to repair that???)

sari and asher sharing with their grandpa (papa, my dad)

                                         and now he is all grown up! ... our little cowboy

                                              i don't know when it was that he went from this to 

to this

to this free moving, unstoppable boy

beautiful ladies with beautiful mothers

i took these pictures when i went to oregon for my sister's graduation... the curly haired girl is my sister... all the other young girls are my sister's daughters... i am the only one in my family (that has had children so far) not to be blessed with a girl yet... maybe later :)... my sisters have been a source of inspiration for me... each of them have plowed through their trials and sorrows and as a result have grown beautiful hearts and beautiful children 

what i love best about my sisters is their thirst for beauty, knowledge, progress and creation...

they inspire me to do and be more... all of us have a hunger to change...we all feel how vital it is to look inward and see what is good and see what is unhealthy... and change it... fix it... not weeping for the burden of guilt, not bullying or beating ourselves up... but looking honestly... searching for why we do what we do and changing where changes need to be made...it is hard to look and see what is admirable and pat ourselves on our back.  maybe even equally hard is to see what needs to be changed... so much easier to ignore and justify our actions... but i believe it is so vital to be candid with ourselves and searching always for..." good better best... never rest till good be better and better best" (thank you mother goose)

my sisters have been brave and strong... all of them stepping out of their comfort zone and not only creating lovely families but creating beauty, intelligence and strength also... amongst my sisters accomplishments are: four houses designed and built with their husbands.  literally, they mixed the cement and built the walls... etc etc..  two of my sisters built two houses each.  one has two published books ("Falling for Rapunzel" and "Waking Beauty"...) ...  another sister and her husband are producing artistic gymnastic performances for little children (they feel the competition is unhealthy and the rules stifling to true artistic merit) so they changed from competition to performance... i haven't seen them yet... but i have heard about what they are doing... my sister made one skit about pregnant women doing gymnastics (the girls just used pillows).... they are all good cooks and love to experiment... maybe not all the experiments come out well... but it takes a certain courage and fortitude to tackle the unknown when you are cooking, this, not star trek, is the last frontier.  proof being that captain kirk will frequent our kitchens in between his alien adventures... for something more culinary...

another sister is a cake decorator who is coming into her own (watch out cake boss... soon you will have a 4'11 artistic fireball to contend with)... there is a marathon runner (the plan is to run a marathon together one day as a family)... and  a painter whose art i would love to have on all of my walls (in fact, i have one on my wall right now... i love it because it makes me feel so peaceful)... all of them writers (one day we may be as famous as the Bronte sisters :)...all of them physically active... gardeners (I personally LOVE gardening and think there it is a place of expression, learning, growth and achievement and bonding with nature)and hard workers ...  piano, singing, and acting... sowing their own wardrobes and prom dresses for sisters and daughters and friends... and all of them have that soft and gentle exterior and heart (don't be fooled they are as strong as anybody or anything)

for me, they change the name of a stay at home mom... a stay at home mom is not merely a person who stays at home and slowly goes crazy trying to keep the hard pace of cleaning and teaching and loving their children... but they are creators... they are leaders... we show our children (the future) who they are and what they are capable of  being by expanding our own talents, by everything we do and create... whether it is art you hang on your wall, or the studying and progressing you make, or the service or smile you give to another...  being a stay at home mother isn't limited to insanity :)... but expands to infinite possibilities(not only the ideas that I mentioned) while you teach your children to love themselves, to love others, and to love God.

on love... my husbands love

i love joshua. our marriage, like all marriages, isn't perfect, but he is kind and gentle. he is an anchor for the turbulent waters i frequently float my boat in, the life saver thrown aptly to a flailing swimmer.  he is a solid, safe haven for me. my sister, lynaea, says her husband is a tall, strong oak tree in which she can find shelter, strength and shade... i like that analogy for joshua too... but it is already taken :).... josh is more then a staying power, flotation device, or tree in my life though.  josh is very, very, very intelligent, proof being that he married me :).

 he loves, loves, loves to play with his children and will do it as often as he can. he will even, occasionally, change a poopy diaper when he happens to be at home and the diaper happens to be poopy.  he does have some minor flaws like limited cooking skills... the dishes he knows how to cook being macaroni and cheese and hot dogs, hot dogs, tuna melts, baked potatoes, and...well... he claims he knows more but i am not sure what they are :)... he made the macaroni and hot dogs for me right after we got married and i got sick!!! i thought it was morning sickness but it wasn't... thank goodness i have only been right about being pregnant twice... if i had been right every time i would have had a family of 100 by now!... speaking of josh... he just came home and brought my purse in... i had left it on our stroller outside... which brings me to another admirable quality of his, he only slightly and sometimes teases me :)... in an attempt to not make him too perfect, but not stain his admirable qualities too, i will share a light hearted anecdote about joshua...josh does not care about clothing and appearances too much at all.  in fact, when we first got married he would occasionally dress to embarrass me or make me laugh.  one day he and his brother, willie, bought matching camo shorts from wal mart and on the way out josh started putting them on over his clothing.  not knowing how to appreciate the humor of the moment, i rolled my eyes, blushed to that bright cherry red i detest feeling on my face and muttered or yelped, i can't remember which, "josh!'... at the exact moment a man walked by and said, " i can't control my children either!' enough said.

i just finished watching, "the young victoria"... not to romanticize my marriage too much (but i will anyway)... i felt that joshua was mirrored in prince albert (his last mirror was the virginian) ... albert's continual belief and support in victoria is similar to how josh believes in and supports me.  albert wrote to her... like you said, you are stronger than you look (paraphrased).  josh has encouraged me with words very like those, most beautifully after i gave birth to our second son.

like queen victoria, i find myself wanting to ensure that no one crunches my toes while walking on my feet or exerts control in any way (real or imaginary) since i spent a majority of my life impersonating a door mat or mushy fruit, allowing myself to be a victim (be careful, i have known some door mats to bite and mushy fruit isn't really sweet :) so, albert becomes the oil in her water, the anchor, the arms of safety, a tree to lean on, a foundation to build, a life to share together.

i know it is a movie and as such may not have been totally realistic and to believe josh and i are exactly like the people portrayed in a movie is asking for a lot of romantic dreams to be quashed...any dreams based on perfection will eventually fail... we are all too human and imperfect... it used to crush me so when things didn't work the way i imagined them. but i have learned, since my youthful days, to enjoy the real as much as the dream... josh is real. he isn't a dream. i wouldn't trade him for anything with all his perfections and imperfections. how i missed him while i was in oregon. when we cuddled that night (yes cuddling) i felt the flooring in my soul return to its proper place, a foundation rebuilt. i was safe again. i know to rely on another so much isn't safe or wise. eventually, i would like to build a stronger foundation based on other things too,but who better to do it with than someone who believes in you and shares the tools to do it.

provo houses

i dream of owning a house someday.  one with an expansive lawn and gardens.  maybe even a ranch where i can race on a horse across the prairie, the world rolling and tumbling by below my feet... the view before me endless blue sky and mountains stretching their arms to the heavens and across the land.  Or perhaps, a stone cottage by the sea where every morning i will wake and smell the salt and roses in the air (roses from my garden of course)... 

the most important aspects of my house will be... a place for the children to play inside and outside, a place for me to dance freely without inhibitions ( i have always thought a room is too crowded with stuff if it cannot be danced in), a place for josh to do his computer thing of course and any other hobby he wishes to pursue :) (i read this to josh and he asked for a secret lair :) a large kitchen for good meals to be made and eaten, a room for quiet and solitude, another for music and books... maybe even art if i ever become brave enough or if any of my children have the passion and desire.  the colors will be soft and enticing, cool and warm... blues and greens with accents of reds, yellows or any other harmonious vibrant color (josh asked for glow in the dark :)  the outside of my home will be carpeted in green grass and moss... the kind of lawn bare feet are grateful for...

 flowers and fruit trees (nectarines most especially), vegetable gardens where the spiders can grow large and fat (josh can get rid of them) (i remember them from my parents gardens... large and exotic looking, striped black and white...i never made friends with them though... they were too large for my childish imagination) and of course a berry patch... i love picking blueberries... something so satisfying in the way they roll in your fingers... something that reassures the ocd in me, hunting down the ripe berries and leaving the unripe behind for another wild tangle... i may or may not indulge my taste buds as i pick them :) or i may eat them after an early morning run... something so fresh and wonderful about a good run and then eating sun ripe, dew dripping berries first thing in the morning...  i will mow my lawns in perfect straight lines (i love mowing straight lines!!!... i have a life theory from mowing straight lines... straight lines are almost impossible... too many bumps and etc throw the wheels off their perfect course... but it is ok... just look behind you... see where you went of course... think about how you will fix it... and then do it ) i won't be too picky about which directions my lines go as long as they are good lines! maybe even circles... occasionally i may even make a maze to play cat and mouse in with my children.  after all i can just mow it again and make it nice for the neighbors later )

and there will be animals... horses... a milk cow (i am not sure who will milk it, i have never milked a cow)... chickens (if i can tolerate them)... dogs and cats (they WILL get a long :)... 

last, but not least... i want my home to be comfortable... i want people to enter and feel a sigh of relief sooth their souls... i want them to be able to feel that this is a home away from home... you can relax here, talk here about anything, find safety and comfort here, healing, quiet and joy, to feel the happiness of the noise and exuberance and love of family and friends, i want them to be able to feel love... God's love, my love, and my families love and leave feeling warmed by that love and my berry or pumpkin pie

they really are sleeping

my children really are sleeping right now. both. at the same time.  this day has been long in coming.  usually isaac is tired, but asher isn't and he won't be quiet in his bedroom for quiet time while i try to put isaac to sleep... thus... neither of my children nap.  sometimes, asher is sleepy but isaac won't sleep (although he is sleepy!). so, then asher is roused from his slumbers.   i thought kids were supposed to get used to noise and sleep through it. not mine!

it is raining today, i love the rain.  i love how it drums lightly on the pavement and housetops.  the earth smells clean and fresh... washed and new. to me, there is something spiritual about cleanliness.  imagine not bathing for days (and maybe not sleeping... seen all too often here :) and then finally, stepping into the shower and cleaning the smells, the dirt and oils, the tiredness from your body.  it feels so good!  i believe our souls feel like that sometimes... they start feeling heavy and laden, broken and maybe stinky :) and they just want to be clean again.  I feel most spiritually clean when i am trying to be like the Savior, when i am grateful, or have been touched by the Spirit.

(this cloud is deceiving (speaking of rain and cleanliness)... i saw it... it was the only one in the sky... and i thought, no rain today... and then... it rained... in the afternoon)